The following day, I attended a workshop about preventing gender violence, facilitated by Katz. There, he posed a question to all of the men in the room: “Men, what things do you do to protect yourself from being raped or sexually assaulted?”
Not one man, including myself, could quickly answer the question. Finally, one man raised his hand and said, “Nothing.” Then Katz asked the women, “What things do you do to protect yourself from being raped or sexually assaulted?” Nearly all of the women in the room raised their hand. One by one, each woman testified:
“I don’t make eye contact with men when I walk down the street,” said one.
“I don’t put my drink down at parties,” said another.
“I use the buddy system when I go to parties.”
“I cross the street when I see a group of guys walking in my direction.”
“I use my keys as a potential weapon.”
The women went on for several minutes, until their side of the blackboard was completely filled with responses. The men’s side of the blackboard was blank. I was stunned. I had never heard a group of women say these things before. I thought about all of the women in my life — including my mother, sister and girlfriend — and realized that I had a lot to learn about gender.
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Why I Am A Male Feminist (via cloud-scapes)
This is an interesting thing to address, because before we even start we have to consider something very important: the difference between perceived danger and actual danger. It’s true that women probably do far more to protect themselves from violence than men do. (Though let’s keep in mind that not only are men conditioned to not admit the actions they take to protect themselves because that would be showing vulnerability, many take similar actions without even noticing it because if anything we’re trained to be wary of violence from an earlier age. I often notice other men taking similar actions to mine, the only difference is that I’m aware I’m doing it and they aren’t. Point is, self-reporting is often far from accurate. But I digress.) The truth of this quote is implicitly based on the idea that the level of fear someone feels and the number of actions they take to protect themselves is directly proportional to the actual danger, and that’s simply not true. In a nutshell, the problem is less that women are in greater danger than men, and more that men are falsely taught that they’re in less danger than women. Men take few steps to defend themselves because they’re told they don’t need to do so, but the statistics don’t bear it out.
In fact, when we look at the numbers we rapidly find that men are at far more risk than women. Of all violent crimes, all but two display a victim pool that’s roughly 2/3 men and 1/3 women. The two exceptions are rape/sexual assault and IPV (domestic violence). Rape displays a reversed victim pool, 2/3 women and 1/3 men when accurate stats are considered, and IPV has been repeatedly proven to be give-or-take 50/50. Considering that rape is much less common than many other violent crimes, and given that rape is one crime versus assault, aggravated assault, murder, manslaughter, robbery and a couple others, it becomes immediately obvious that men are much more likely to be the victim of a violent crime than women….not the other way around.
See the problem? It’s not that women are in more danger, it’s that men just don’t know how much danger they’re in.
Even at this, most women take precautions far in excess of what the actual danger demands. Defining danger or oppression by looking at the actions of the group in question only makes sense if the actions being taken are relevant and proportional, something often not the case.
We can see this by the feminist narrative here. The idea is that since men don’t do these things they’re not oppressed, and since women do they are oppressed. We know that men are actually the ones in greater danger, so this doesn’t actually make sense. If there’s a wrong in the situation, it’s that people, many of them feminists, are grossly exaggerating the dangers women face. Women then take actions to defend themselves far out of proportion to the actual danger, then complain about having to do so.
Let’s look at few of the actions one man (myself) who is fully aware of the actual risks take, in summary:
When at parties I’m always aware of the people present, prioritizing those most likely to be drunk or violent.
At parties I’m always aware of all potential exits, and sit where I can both watch and access them.
When walking down the street I actively avoid groups of people, especially if they appear drunk.
I limit my own alcohol intake anywhere other than my own home so that I can defend myself or run if I must.
I practice Parkour, so that if I do have to run I can, and faster than everyone else.
I limit the volume on my headphones so I can hear the people around me.
I carry two knives at all times, one smaller and one larger.
I’m familiar with the use of dozens if not hundreds of objects as improvised weapons.
And these are just handful of the things that one thinking man does to protect himself from direct physical violence. Men are also victims of rape, at lesser but relevant rates….but they also have to deal with things like potential false allegations, paternity fraud and similar. Either they protect themselves, or they are ignorant and often find out the hard way.
Indeed, I haven’t always taken these actions. In my life I’ve had people try and stab me, mug me, and in one case shoot at me. I’ve dealt with physical violence more times than I’d like to admit, and thankfully formed these reactions before the lack of them got me severely hurt. My reactions are not out of proportion, they’ve saved my ass before and will again. Nobody taught me, or warned me. I learned the hard way. Now, I might be unlucky compared to some men, but I wouldn’t be too surprised to find that most of them have similar stories. Compare this to the women who do fifty things a day to protect themselves against a rapist….who probably doesn’t even exist, given that most rapists know their victim.
This masquerades as a relevant and insightful quote….but all it really does is betray ignorance of not only the situation but also the underlying concepts.
(via permutationofninjas)
I’m Fucking Sorry but I would have FILLED THAT BOARD up.
(via notcayleb)
Reblogging for the comments.
(via thewhitebitchesloveme)
